Afghan Taliban Commander Demands $100 Reward Money For His "Own" Capture

Here's another Darwin Award contender, this time out of Afghanistan.  I realize the bulk of Taliban fighters are uneducated and ignorant, but this is priceless.

Mohammad Ashan was a wanted man in Paktika province.  He's a pea-brained Taliban commander who had his face plastered on posters with  a $100 finders fee on his head. He's only a mid-level commander, so maybe that's why the reward offer was so low. But one day last week, Ashan, poster in hand, walks up to the local police checkpoint in Sar Howza district demanding the reward money- for his capture. You see, Ashan was allegedly behind several recent attacks, so Afghan security forces posted the "Be on the Lookout" posters (emblazoned with his name and face) all over the district.

 Some interesting comments from U.S. Officials regarding Ashan's actions :

“improbable stupidity,”
“This guy is the Taliban equivalent of the ‘Home Alone” burglars,”
“Clearly, the man is an imbecile.”

When U.S. troops went to confirm that Ashan had in fact come forward to claim the finder’s fee, they were initially incredulous.

“We asked him, ‘Is this you?’ Mohammad Ashan answered with an incredible amount of enthusiasm, ‘Yes, yes, that’s me! Can I get my award now?’” recalled SPC Matthew Baker.

A biometric scan confirmed that the man in Afghan custody was the insurgent they had been looking for.

He, of course, was arrested. Thank God for stupidity.

Darwin Award Contender: Brit Man Wanted To Join Somalia's Al Shabaab To "Relax And Hang Out"

Here's a candidate for the Darwin Awards:

45 year-old British Muslim (born in Jamaica) Clive Everton Dennis was arrested by Somali police in Mogadishu  airport with a suitcase full of hashish and daggers, and no visa.  According to chain-smoking Dennis, who sports several earrings and short dreadlocks, he wanted to join al-Qaeda (in the form of al-Shabaab which rules the roost in parts of Somalia), because:

 " I was told by some people in Kenya that the guys in Kismayo were the best Muslims." 

But clueless Dennis has no idea about geography.

"I agreed to join them, and I was trying to find the way. I didn't know that Mogadishu was not Kismayo, I thought that there would be a plane I could catch there directly."

And the violence?  He didn't want any "of the violent stuff". Nope, none of that jihadi stuff for Dennis. He just wanted some camaraderie with fellow Muslims and little R and R.

" I wanted to go somewhere sunny where I could relax and hang-out with other Muslims without being bothered by people.

Apparently Dennis had been a bad boy in England (convicted of some 'minor' crime) and was having a hard time finding work. I guess he thought the next best thing would be to join an extremist group in Somalia. He also said he that he

"can't get a normal life there in London."

So, of course, he'll find normalcy with an ultra Islamist extremist group in Somalia that bans everything from music to women's bras, to television and practically everything else. Yeah, that's normalcy for you. And as for his hash, earrings and short dreads?  Someone forgot to tell old Dennis that those things would be a no-go with his new found Shabaab buds.

Poor old Dennis is being held

 on suspicion of entering the country illegally and plotting to join Islamic radicals waging a war to control the country according to a strict interpretation of Islam.

A Somali government spokesman said that the "due course of the law" would be followed, and that Mr Dennis would likely face charges for entering the country illegally.

He was not seen as a serious threat "compared to the terrorists we usually have to face", the spokesman added.

They're not too worried about Dennis because no-one with any sense knows to stay away from Mogadishu Airport. Security Forces said that

"Anyone who knows what they are doing, or is being sent to Somalia by someone who knows what they are doing, would avoid Mogadishu at all costs," said one.

"It's the seat of the government, the airport's swarming with intelligence [officers], and it's far, far easier simply to slip in overland or by sea from Kenya."

Oops.

I think maybe Dennis has smoked a little too much of that hashish, but he definitely deserves a spot in the Darwin Awards.